WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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