In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
