Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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