Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
