Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
