i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
