I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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