i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
