what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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