You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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