Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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