i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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