Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
