that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
