Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
