Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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