i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
