I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
