I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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