If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
