It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
