It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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