Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
