He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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