Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
