whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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