why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
