Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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