I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
