my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
