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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
