She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Someone shattered a urinal.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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