he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
