Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize