hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
