I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
