Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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