I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
