Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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