They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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