I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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