There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
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