the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
