I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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