I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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