I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
