and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
