coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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