I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
