Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
