Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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