the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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