3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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