thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
