so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
50% drunk capacity currently
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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