wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
