remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
