Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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