ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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