real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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