It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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