bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
