I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
