dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
