can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's blow job season.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
