No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dating After Heartbreak
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".