That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
