No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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