wakey wakey hands off snakey
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Found your dick twin last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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