I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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