When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
