I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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