i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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