Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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