I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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