There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
